On This Street

The other day, on a whim, I decided to catch a street car into the French Quarter of New Orleans. I spent a few hours around there, getting some peace and quiet in a cathedral and got some work down in a coffee shop.

On my way back to catch the car out of town - a homeless guy asked me for money. So, there I am, walking down a semi seedy street, a conservative white baptist boy from down under. I had my headphones in, walking fast anyway, knowing that this might just happen. But this guy looked me square in the eyes - I couldn't get past. Admittedly, I don't think I've ever given money to a homeless guy before. I'm not sure how I pulled that off - but, I did.

This time, in light of the previous days - I couldn't not give him money. I looked at him, shook his hand and said 'follow me man, I'll buy you some food.' As we walked down the street I asked him if he was New Orleans born and raised, he pointed to the road and said 'this is my home.' Further down, he asked where I was from, I replied that I'm from 'Australia.' He offered me another hand shake. He then led me to a stereotypical corner store - he remarked on how it looks suspicious having a white guy and a black guy together. As we entered the store, his body language turned anxious. He picked up a drink and some food, looking more nervous. I decided then, to just hand over the money. I had four bucks. I left, after he said 'God Bless'.

Chances that he actually spent the money on food? I don't know. Chances he spent it on cigarettes or grog? I don't know either. But, if he did spend it on cigs, what, he could buy one deck? If he spent it on grog he could buy what, 2 beers?

I could not, say no. In our short conversation, he mentioned that his family and home were destroyed in the storm. If it was beer he was after, I don't really blame him, I'd probably want beer too if I was in his situation.

What I have noticed lately is this: I hate going from zero to one hundred. I long to learn WHY I do something the way I do, or WHY I should be doing something. This translates like this: guilt, is a bad motivator. Love however, is a good one. If guilt was my motivator for giving this guy a piece of my time and money - all I've done is appease that negative feeling (selfish?). If LOVE is my motivator - I have given in thought of his needs, not mine (selfless). Synergy of body and soul occurs. A cycle is borne, the more my values and true thoughts on an issues, such as this, progresses, the idea is that, my actions would progress also.

I may have got played, he may have bought booze. But, hey, for my first time at giving a guy money, I stopped, walked with him and talked with him. That's a long way from what I used to do. Who knows, next time, I'll be more confident (I'll admit that I was a little scared that he was going to try and mug me), so something 'more' might happen.

If I had, any, I mean, any trace of love, then I had no excuse for knocking back this guy's plea. At least, the very least, I didn't lie to him again.